DEPRESSION

not attending church today

Here I am, feeling sorry for myself. I wanted so to go to church today. We’ve been out-of-town the last two week-ends and I’m going to be out-of-town again next week-end. I’m one of those people who like going to church. We have an awesome pastor now and I absolutely love his sermons. So why didn’t I go?

I won’t bore you with the details but I haven’t been feeling well for a while now. I think it all stems from a pulled tendon in my foot that I’ve dealt with for months. How, you ask, could an ankle tendon do all that? You see I’ve had multiple foot surgeries. This tendon issue is new and very serious. I’m trying to avoid major surgery that means six to nine MONTHS of recovery. The foot doctor says this is something I want to avoid at all costs. I was in a soft type cast for weeks to try to correct it. That meant I did a lot of “limping”.

When one limps a lot, it puts great strain on the entire muscular structure. Everything gets off kilter. That results in pain in every part of your joints and muscles throughout your body. Yesterday I was on my feet too long. Today I feel like I was hit by a truck. I woke up in the middle of the night sore and very uncomfortable so I slept in this morning. My hubby let me. (Hmmm, maybe I should tell him he shouldn’t have let me do that. Then he’d be the one to blame.)

I hate this.

I hate limping. I hate aching feet. I hate losing who I am, someone with incredible amounts of energy who is not used to being “set aside” like a limp dishrag.

Maybe you are where I am today. You couldn’t get to church for whatever reason and like me, you’re really missing it. You’re feeling guilty and sad. You’re telling yourself you should have got up on time no matter how bad you felt. On the other hand, you feel so bad you can’t even imagine sitting in church.

Thank goodness God understands all of this and doesn’t judge us. Besides, it doesn’t mean I won’t be communing with God today. I will. Right now I’m listening to Charles Stanley and it’s a wonderful sermon. I’m thinking of all those people who are ill and haven’t been to church in months and I tell myself this isn’t so bad. It’s not as if God isn’t right here with me today anyway. It’s not that God resides somehow more prolifically in a building called a church. It’s just that being in that building means I’m surrounded by other believers and that buoys me up. It makes me feel part of something bigger than me. It’s too easy to become isolated in our faith. We need each other.

But in the scheme of things, this is only a minor thing. I have options during the week to attend.

So if you’re stuck home today, be comforted in the fact that there are others who feel as you do. There is a community of bloggers who are supporting each other.

God bless and remember, there are lots of Sundays ahead.

Categories: DEPRESSION

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