DEPRESSION

in your face

in our face

in our face/google images

What do you do when God puts something you’ve been able to avoid for a while right in your face? That’s what happened to me today. It felt:

Awkward

Uncomfortable

Unsettling.

It was at church of all places. And during communion. A time when I should be feeling calm and peaceful and untroubled. But I wasn’t. My insides were in turmoil.

You see this has gone for a while. I’ve been able to avoid having it so “in my face” but today God had other plans. I really searched my heart. Surely, things like this get resolved during communion, right?

Wrong.

Even though God and I were communicating fast and furious, nothing changed. I still felt the ambiguity I’ve felt right along. I’m not afraid of discussing it but I sense that God has kept me from that for my own protection. I think it’s because there wouldn’t be the level of honesty there needed to be. And how do you address a situation when the other party would probably not admit there was a situation to begin with?

So here I am with the same ambiguity tonight that I felt this morning. And I hate ambiguity. I like to have things resolved.

My mood has been really good for quite a while but my mood definitely dropped as the day went on. I knew where it came from and felt reassured that avoiding the situation (seeing as I can’t do anything about it and it causes me to hurt every time) has been the best course.

I’ve certainly questioned why God is not opening up an opportunity to discuss it. I wonder if He really knows how much it hurts. I wonder if I’m praying right about it. I wonder if it’s all me except there are others who feel the same way.

So here I am wondering how long I will be held in limbo. If you’re struggling today with a difficult situation that keeps you unsettled and confused, my prayer for you is that your faith will be strengthened through this and you will emerge stronger than ever before.

God bless.

2 replies »

  1. This is the reason I’m currently going through my series, the madness of sin, on my blog. To get answers to my own questions. It’s taken ages, but the Lord has His hand on my issue, as I know He does, on yours. Stay strong, and allow nothing, or any person to deflect your faith, which is God’s own gift to you.

    I’m sure some answers will eventually come to us both.

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