Do any of you out there have a person in your life for whom you always feels like you just don’t measure up in their eyes? You always feel you’re being compared to someone else and you come up short?
It’s difficult, isn’t it?
What makes it most difficult is that it’s always subtle. There’s never an overt and obvious remark.” It’s more of references to others as being s-o-o-o-o-o-o-o wonderful and because you never hear these same words applied to yourself, you get the hint.
“YOU” , by comparison, just don’t measure up.
Some of you don’t understand what I’m referring to because you don’t encounter this situation. So don’t read any further if you have no clue. 🙂 (And by the way, I’m jealous.)
But for those of you who do know what it, feels like, read on. 🙂
I should be used to it by now but I’m not feeling so good today. My foot was more painful than ever the night before. So painful, in fact, I was worried I might have to drive to the hospital and seeing as I was alone at the cabin, that would’ve been problematic.
Let me backtrack.
We were at “Teeney, Tiny Cabin” last week celebrating our anniversary. My husband left on Thursday for a fishing trip and I stayed one more night. When the pain woke me up, I wasn’t sure what to do. I don’t have any prescription pain killers and it was so bad, I think that’s what was needed.
So I lay there until the pain eventually subsided but it definitely interrupted my sleep. So after packing up everything and closing down the cabin, which can be a little time-consuming, and having to lock up everything in pouring down rain, then driving home, I was pretty tired.
So when I heard those remarks it felt like sharp stabbing arrows in my heart.
I began questioning myself.
Am I a good person? Does anyone else think I am? Am I fooling myself thinking I do “good” things or do those “good” things merely serve me well?
Have you ever felt that way? Like someone delivered such a blow you really felt like you had been kicked in the stomach? That’s how I felt. Thank goodness I had company over the week-end and I was able to keep distracted, which gave me some breathing room.
But it’s Monday morning and I still sting. I have to face this situation and let God do His work. This morning’s prayer and Bible study time helped greatly.
If I don’t it will fester and I will eventually either decide to let it go or I will explode and say something I don’t want to say.
Sometimes it’s easy to concentrate on the hurts and forget that God, while not always the author of painful situations, is present IN the situation. While He doesn’t mean for us to feel pain at the hands of someone else, He can use those hurt feelings to grow us into His image.
I don’t like being here. I don’t like feeling like I’ve been run over by a truck. I wish I could just shrug things off but I can’t. I have to work through them. It’s how God has made me.
I’m putting one foot in front of the other, hoping to have an open-door presented to discuss it.
This time, I’m sensing that God is directing me to consider myself first. I don’t want to sound “saintly” but I’m not inclined to do this very often. I’m a “rescuer” to a fault. I’m a “take it on my own shoulders” kind of woman. This may all sound noble, but it isn’t necessarily. It’s just how God made me.
I hope I’ve encouraged you a little. Sometimes we reach a point where there is no future movement unless we address a few things. That doesn’t always means a conversation with someone else. It might well be a conversation we need to have with ourselves.
God bless and I hope you have a good day.