LIFE

Do we always have to explain away things?

I posted way back when about a really weird dream I had.Here’s a recap.

MY DREAM

I was in this house with a lot of other people and this angelic “force” hovered outside.I have no idea whose house it was or who the people were. But I was terrified. We all were.

Not because the “force” seemed destructive but who wouldn’t be afraid with all that going on?

We locked all the doors and windows and cowered inside. The “force” kept swirling around the house. As we peered breathlessly out the windows the swirling colors blended together as if an artist were painting lively circles.

It was breathtaking

Read more here……..

swirling colors 3

I can’t remember what happened next but years later (still in my dream), I found myself back at the same property once again.

Only the concrete basement of the house remained. At one end of the basement though, there was a set of stairs. The steps were covered with sand. I walked over and began brushing off the sand.(Hey, I don’t know why. It was a dream. :))

As I brushed away the sand, I felt something. I love finding “treasures” so I began to brush off the sand with greater care. I finally unearthed the object.

It was a cement statue of an angel. Not a grown-up angel though.  A child angel. But it wasn’t your typical stick-in-your-garden type statue. I had the uncanny feeling that he’d been alive once and somehow been trapped and turned into stone. The look on his face seemed fearful.

stone angel

Was she the whirling dervish we saw out the windows? Had she been seeking asylum?  Had our refusal to let her in cause her demise?

Then other persistent thoughts emerged.

Is it me that’s feeling buried? Am I the one feeling as though the world is swirling around me? 

dreams

When I woke up, I was surprised I had remembered the dream. I almost never do.

MY INTERPRETATION

I asked myself why this dream?

As I look back on that period of my life, I think the explanation that made the most sense was that I was afraid.

The date I published this was October 3, 2012.

My mother fell on September 28, a week earlier.

I was scared that I wouldn’t be able to handle the responsibility of my mother’s care while she recuperated. Scared that it would interfere too much with my life. Scared she’d fall again. Scared I’d disappoint her. Scared I’d disappoint myself.

Just plain scared.

On a trip to Brazil a few years earlier, I wrote a piece of prose. I came across it the day after this dream.

“Angel’s wings capture my fears and hopes with their feathered tendrils,

holding them close.

Taking flight, they spread their wings

scattering my fears in abandon over the wide horizon.

But I remain safely tucked away

under their feathers.  

And my soul is restored.”

The Bible often mentions dreams and I believe that, like Jacob, God sometimes uses dreams to encourage us, guide us, give us hope, etc.

I also think that sometimes are dreams are a coping device. Certainly this particular dream helped me to face my feelings and name my fear.

As I look back over that period and with my mother’s most recent hospital visit, I see how God has been faithful through it all. It has not been easy. There have been many challenges. Times I was so frustrated I could cry. Times I was mad. Times I was selfish.

I would have preferred to go through none of it. That’s the truth.I would’ve preferred life to go on the way it was. But life never does that.

I was going to share all I’ve learned these last three years but honestly, I’m not sure I could. We like to do that though, don’t we?

We like to come up with “the big lesson” so we can feel like it was all somehow OK.

If we’re Christians, we like to do this so we can let God off the hook. We don’t want to believe for one minute that he sent any of it our way.(There is a common phrase Christians like to use that softens that blow. We like to say God “allowed” it to happen. Really? What’s the difference anyway? And the truth is God does send some hard things our way. We just don’t want to believe it.)

Well, there isn’t always a lesson to be learned. Things don’t always happen for a reason. (I hate that popular saying. Actually, I hate a lot of popular jargon.)

Besides, I’m much more concerned with how I handle the daily struggles that come my way rather than having to always find a reason..

Signing off for now.

God bless and have a good day.