LIFE

If you’re a parent of a twenty-something, read this

If you’re a twenty-something, or a parent or grandparent of a twenty-something, this post is for you.

Part of me wants to tell these twenty-something’s to “Grow-up. Get on with your life.”

Another part of me want to wrap my arms around them and tell them it will all be OK.

I think it must be hard to be a young adult these days. Not because the world is any harder (that’s just an excuse), but because they’ve been brought up with such “accommodation” they have no clue how to be responsible.

How could they?

Many of them are struggling because they haven’t been equipped for adulthood.

Most of them have lived a life-style where they’ve never had a real need. Every “want” has been fulfilled.

And yet they are the most impoverished of people.

They’ve been denied the privilege of hearing “no” and having to deal with the consequences. As far as I’m concerned, it’s the “no’s” in life that spark our independence and our creativity.

For example, when I run into a “no” whether it’s spoken or not, I have to work around it. That “no” might be that I can’t figure out something, or I’m physically limited. So if I want to pursue whatever I’m pursuing, I have to figure out another path.

Plus, I think it’s the “no’s” in life that make children feel secure; someone cares enough to put up a fight. When children are brought up to know what is expected of them, when life has some boundaries, they thrive as adults. It’s those boundaries that builds the foundation for a strong child and ultimately, a strong adult.

It gives them a road  to follow, a road they’ve already traveled.

structures and boundaries

boundaries

When parents are more concerned about their own careers, when children consistently take second place, why are parents surprised when their children won’t grow up?

Boundaries are what make a child feel secure.  A big ole” “NO!”, without explanation or apology, is music to a child’s ear even if they don’t admit it. A secure child is a secure adult.

So what do we do? I’m not sure I know. It’s pretty hard to instill responsibility into a twenty-something. Actually, it’s not possible to instill responsibility in anyone. But I believe most young adults DO want to be responsible and get on with their life. They truly just don’t know how.

So if you’re the parent of one these young adults, you need to do now what you didn’t do then. You’ll have to take the time now you didn’t take then. And it will be harder.

You need to have a frank and honest discussion about what you expect of your adult child. Write it down. Have it signed. Whatever. Be willing to enforce it. You need to take some of your own responsibility.

Just because a child reaches a certain age and you have now determined they are to act like grown-ups although you’ve done nothing to equip them, don’t expect it to happen overnight. If you’ve treated them like princes and princesses, don’t expect the road to be easy. But you owe it to them and to yourselves.

no princes or princesses

no princes or princesses

You have to be more of a parent now.

Most young people want to grow-up, want to be on their own and responsible. I think it’s a deep need that exists in all of us. You have to find a way to tap into that.

Anyway, this is an usual post for me today.

God bless and I hope you have a good day.

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