LIFE

When it’s hard to enjoy life under a weight of concern

I think you can tell by my posts this week that I’m doing a whole lot of thinking-maybe too much?

I don’t know why.

No, I do know why.

anxious

My hubby and I are getting ready to head to the sunny south for a couple of weeks. We’re really looking forward to it. But there’s a hiccup.

In case you didn’t know, my mom fell four years ago (at my house.) After that she decided she no longer wanted to drive. That was the day I had dreaded for years. As it turned out, that hasn’t really been a problem at all. She’s very undemanding. I’m glad I have an opportunity to be of help.

My brother lives with her. I was upset when that happened (about seven years ago). But God looking out for me. Without him being there, things would be far more complicated than they are. I praise God he is there.

But she has lost a lot of her “oomph”. I’ve tried so hard to get her involved in something. I try to get her out every week. I average a visit with her six out of seven days a week and usually more like every day. I talk to her on the phone every day and often more than once. And, of course, I will be calling her every day when we’re away as well.

Last year my granddaughter stayed with her while we were gone and that helped ease my mind.

This year I’m not resting easy. It’s not her. It’s me. She’s not suggesting for one minute that I stay home. In fact, she has asked my why we don’t stay longer. The truth is I would miss her too much. I will find it hard to say good-bye this time. In the back of my mind, I will wonder “Is this the last time I will see her?”

So I leave this year with an anxious heart. Yes, she has other family members nearby that could check in on her when we’re gone. Usually I send everyone a text and let them know we’re going to be away so they’ll phone or visit her. It’s never worked. I’m not doing it this year.

While I’ve prayed about this, I also know that doesn’t take away the fact that life happens; it’s unpredictable at best. And, of course, I will keep praying.

prayer

But that’s not why we pray, that life and it’s pain will pass us over much like the angel of death did the Israelites. But that was a special time and a special circumstance.

We pray to stay connected to God, not to avoid the pain of life.

I would love to hear from some of you about this. Have any of you dealt with a similar situation? How did you handle it? Any words of wisdom?

God less and I hope you have a good day.

PS I wrote this yesterday morning. Since then,  a lot has happened. Rather than change the post, I decided to let you in  on it.

I have been honest with my mother. I told her I was having misgivings about this trip, that I loved her deeply and was worried she would get too lonesome. (Remember, my brother does live with her.) My husband had figured out how I was feeling and was so on board with us maybe not going, that I swear I fell in love with him all over again. My mother was absolutely great. She even laughingly said, “I won’t miss you at all!” I then laughed. It was a very good experience.

THEN, we get home and the stock market took another big dive and we almost changed our mind again. We got beyond that and 

THEN, we hear there’s a big snowfall coming tomorrow morning all along our route. So this trip still may not come off. 

We have decided to sleep on it and trust that if God wants us to stay home, he’ll make it abundantly clear. That’s his promise over and over again.

I’ll let you know.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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