I had some posts all ready to go this week but I’m putting them on hold. Posts this week will be random and straight from my lips to God’s ears, meaning I won’t edit much and might even ramble a little.
If you’ve read any of the posts about my mother, you will know there has been a lot going on with her for a few years now. Everything is escalating since her most recent fall a few months ago. She is now suffering severe confusion in the evenings, probably “Sundowning.” She has a doctor’s appointment this afternoon and I’m bracing myself for this diagnosis.
Now my brother and I are facing some hard choices. After her last stint at the nursing home (it was for rehabilitation), we know we will lose her for sure if she ever has to go back. So we are now looking at more care for her and she will rebel greatly. But that doesn’t matter.
There are times when doing the best by someone will not be appreciated or welcomed but for their safety, you have to do it anyway. That’s where we are.
But I’m doing OK. Really.
I want you in on this right as I’m going through it. Usually I post after the circumstance so I can have some insight. But this week, I”m not going to do that.
This is hard. VERY hard. To see someone who has so much yet to give go down this path is agony. But is it the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do? No, it isn’t.
Will it be the hardest thing I will ever experience? I don’t have a clue.
But here’s where I am.
I’m clinging to every Scripture I’ve ever read. I’m especially clinging to book of Proverbs and verses elsewhere that promise unflinchingly, that wisdom is mine if I doggedly pursue it. This has proven true along this journey with my mom.
Every time I have been right in the throes of a decision regarding her, emergency or not, I have felt Wisdom speak to me. This is exactly what scripture promises in Proverbs. In Proverbs 8:22-31, David writes about wisdom as almost part of the Godhead. I love this chapter. But I also love Proverbs 4:5-9 where the steps to gaining wisdom are outlined. Guess what the first step is?
“The beginning of wisdom is: Acquire wisdom.”
Isn’t that weird? The beginning of wisdom is to get wisdom? Sounds like the author is confused.
But he isn’t.
Being a wise person starts with the choice to become a wise person. In other words, in order to be wise, we not only have to want to be wise, we have to choose to be wise. After the choice is made, then we take the next steps. For me, it always starts with scripture. Then I read and read and read. I research, research and research. And then I start all over again. I pretty dogged about it.
And ALWAYS God leads me to the right resources. Like last night when I learned about the “Happy light” for dementia from her part-time caregiver. Needless to say, I’ve already purchased it and it’s on its way. You can check these out by looking up “happy lights for treat dementia” and you’ll get some websites. They also work for anyone that suffers with anxiety and depression.
So that was one more “wisdom” step.
Another step, talking to someone who’s “been there”. She keeps me grounded in reality. And while her experience was different, there were still gems of truth to be gained.
Have I cried? Of course.
Is my heart breaking? Of course.
But am I going to go down a destructive path because of it?
Not if I can do anything about it.
So I took extra care with my appearance this morning. I’m watching my caffeine intake. I’m going to go downstairs and work out in a few minutes.
If this all sounds incredibly selfish, I don’t apologize. I know there are going to be hard decisions coming up, and even more difficult situations to encounter. I need to stay healthy for me and my immediate family because ultimately I will be the one making the decisions for my mom. Even though I consult with my brother, I know I will be taking the lead.
Not because I want these to be my decisions but because I’m the best equipped and I’m the one taking the initiative. That used to bother me. It doesn’t anymore because this is how God has made me and this is the role I’m equipped to play.
So if you are facing some difficult situations today, remember God has promised wisdom to any child of his who asks for it. Take a few minutes and read the entire book of Proverbs. Trust me, you spend more time texting I’ll bet than it takes you to read the entire book.
Wisdom is also discussed in the book of James. Until tomorrow, remember, we are all on some journey or another all the time. There are roadblocks along the time. There are detours to be taken.
But God’s word is the map that gets us to our desired location.
God bless and have a good day. I hope to connect with you tomorrow.