It’s early and I’m getting ready to head to my mom’s.
I read a sentence this morning from Leo Tolstoy and it’s so true, in most instances anyway.
Happiness does not depend on outward things, but on the way we see them.
I have to remind myself of that often. I’m not going to have my mom around that much longer, although she comes from a mother who lived to be one hundred and three and a sister that lived to one hundred and two. My mom is not as healthy as they were and is very frail. Every day we worry about a severe fall that will completely do her in.
But until then, I want to care for her the best I can. I’ve pampered her a lot this week just because I can. One of her caregivers is a licensed cosmetologist so she’s had a pedicure and a manicure. I’ve prepared some special meals and tonight she gets treated to Kentucky Fried Chicken.
I am sad though because we don’t have the conversations we used to have. She can’t as she can’t follow a chain of thought for more than a few minutes. I realize I am in a stage of grieving even though I still have her with me physically. She’s not the mother I know. She’s a new mother, one that requires my utmost patience.
What a shift in roles, one I never saw coming but one that has enriched my life and made me a better person, although I worried for a time that it would make me bitter.
But God is on his throne guiding me every step of the way and I rest in him.
God bless and have a good day.