Day: May 8, 2017

grief

Saying goodbye is hard/about my mom.

My mom probably only has a few days left.

Late yesterday afternoon, as her caregiver and I got her ready for bed, I took some extra time to apply lotion to her body and massage her a little. I kissed her goodbye and told her I loved her. She said, “I love you, too”. That’s the most we’ve heard from her in days.

She has quit drinking and basically, quit eating. She still manages to get a few spoonfuls of pudding down but her swallowing ability is almost gone.

Watching someone slip away is the hardest thing I’ve done so far and yet it’s also been full of blessings. Someone said to me the other day, “When God is finished with her, that’s when she’ll go.”

I thought about that. I think what is truer is that “When God is finished with me, then she’ll go.”

You see I”ve learned a lot about me in these last nine or so months. Some of it I’ve liked and some of it I haven’t. But I am a better person because I’ve gone through this. I’ll bet those of you have walked this path as well know just what I mean.

grief

 

I’m going to miss:

Stopping after every garage sale to show her my “treasures”. She was as excited about my “finds” as I was and I’ve looked around her house, I see that a lot of them ended up there. Sometimes she went with me but she hated mornings. So sometimes we would go in the afternoon.

Her pot roast and with the leftover beef her vegetable beef soup. It was outstanding.

Drinking iced tea with her on the deck.

Going flower shopping.

Going out to lunch.

Talking to her on the phone every day no matter where I was. 

Stopping by her house almost every day unless I was out of town. 

Watching her eat. She had a hollow leg and could eat whatever she wanted without gaining a pound.

Bringing her some “goodies”. I always tried to find her something I thought she’d like to eat when I was at the grocery store, a bakery, anywhere. 

Taking her on trips. My husband and I took her on a number of trips. 

The funny things she used to do, like eating a hot dog completely before she remembered she didn’t have a hot dog in the bun!

Arguing politics.

She is a huge part of my life. So there is going to be a huge hole when she’s gone. But knowing she is at home in heaven will warm my heart and thinking of her smiling and happy will help to fill that hole a little bit.

Thanks for listening and God bless.

 

 

 

 

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