Have you ever been there?
I mean feeling guilty about feeling good?
I’m kind of there now. My mom hasn’t even been gone a month and I have had some moments of well-being and peace this last week. I feel kind of guilty about it.
We were at “teeny tiny red cabin” over the weekend and I had a couple of hours when I truly enjoyed what I was doing. I planted some ground cover I had brought from home.
(The title of the blogs that appears in the lower right-hand corner was the name of my former blog.)
I started to strip our little deck of too many summers of neglect.
As you can see, I didn’t get it all done. But isn’t it going to look great when I am?
I scrubbed the little patch of kitchen linoleum with an eraser pad ( I love, love, love these things) I can’t believe I hadn’t cleaned the floor this way before. Here is a “before” and an “after”. Nice, huh?
Hope you can see the difference. Kind of hard to tell from these pictures.
I planted some plants I brought from home.
Then I went over to the bunk house for my devotions here on my adorable porch at my adorable bunkhouse and promptly started crying.
We found this wonderful rattan loveseat at Goodwill plus two chairs. They had just brought them out of the backroom when I spotted them. Sixty dollars for all three pieces in mint condition. For a while, I only used the chairs inside dreaming the sofa would fit on the porch.
My husband insisted it would so we brought it back from where we had it stored in our shed back home, and sure enough, it fits perfectly. Since these pictures, I’ve brought the back cushions home to sew new covers, black and white check.
We had talked about building it for a couple of years but I just couldn’t commit to spending the money. It’s kind of like my personal retreat. I relax more here than anywhere.
That same year, my mom decided she wanted to give her grandchildren a gift of money. She asked me what I thought and I told her that was very sweet and if she wanted to, she should.
But I didn’t know she was going to include me as well. That gift gave us the impetus to get the ball rolling on the bunkhouse. With our money added to hers we started clearing the land and now I have my precious little house.
But just thinking of her generosity started the tears a flowin’.
She got to see it a few times but she could never understand why I liked it so much. I asked her to come up with a number of times but she never wanted to.
“What’s there to do?”, she would ask.
I’d reply, “Read, walk, and relax.”
But she was OK with how much I loved it. I would call her every day but if she wasn’t wearing her hearing aids, the conversations would be cut short.
I so missed calling and checking in on her this last visit, the first trip since she died.
God bless and have a good day.