(This first part, (the part in italics) was written December 26th, 2016.)
Yesterday I took down a few, very few, Christmas decorations. Usually, I enjoy this because I get a chance to re-organize everything and earmark some for Goodwill. It’s a time I look back over the holidays and recall all the good times.
But this year was not that way at all. After I had worked a couple of hours, something dawned on me and my mood dropped.
My mom was not even in my home this Christmas season. This is a first. Yes, I tried, more than once. I tried again on New Year’s day but no, she didn’t want to come. I’ve tried to get her out of the house for weeks now with no luck.
Pretty soon, I’m going to just put her coat on her and force her out the door. Not really of course, but I’m certainly feeling that way.
Then, of course, come the doubts, have I done enough, am I doing enough?
It’s so hard to see her like this. I just want her back. The doctor and I are trying to fine-tune her medications a little more. I’m so hoping this works. This is the last thing I know to do. And I hate that. I hate that I’m getting close to accepting the situation.
(Hopefully, yesterday’s post shows how far I’ve come. You can find that here.)
Later I read a post from a blogging “friend” that helped me realize others have been where I am and it helped. Her response to my comments was very helpful.
You know how much I deplore the phrase, “It is what it is”. I consider it a cop-out out and total resignation. Even should I have to accept my mother’s decline, I will not say, “It is what it is”. Besides, this phrase goes completely against Scripture. In fact, I can’t think of a single verse that suggests this philosophy.
But there are many verses like this one from Ephesisans 3:20:
“……and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. 20Now to Him who is able to do infinitely more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, 21to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.…
Oh, that I would remember this every moment. I pray with this verse in mind often. Something like this,
“Lord, I’m praying about XYZ, but my mind can only imagine so much. How can I pray bigger when you clearly state I can’t even begin to understand or imagine what you can do. So I give this request to you asking for you to embellish it with ALL you know.”
I didn’t put up many Christmas decorations this year, fewer than ever before. I even found it strange myself because I’m so into Christmas. But I got to wondering. Did God somehow “restrict” my desire this year because he saw how painful taking them down would be? Did he give me a little heads-up? As it was, I only had to be really sad for a couple of hours. It could’ve been a couple of days. (Yes, ordinarily, it does take me a couple of days.)
But the day was not a total “wash”. I figured out how to download audiobooks from my library to my phone and then listen to them on my new UE Boom.
Then I read how Gwyneth Paltrow had come up with a new phrase and what she thought was a “new” thing. She called is “forest bathing”.
I always thought it was called “walking in the woods” and man has instinctively known since the beginning of time how being outside in nature is good for all of us. But she gave me a good laugh.
This post went from sad, to encouraging, to enjoyment, to bemusement. Sounds a lot like life, doesn’t it?
God bless and I hope you have a good day.
God bless and have a good day.