Last week I posted about all the joint pain I’m having. So far I’ve had cortisone shots in my foot and my hand.
Yep, the two most painful parts of your body for these injections. It felt like the shot in the thumb went right into the bone. Actually, I think that’s what the doctor said.
By that afternoon, I was miserable. Around 9:00 pm, I said to my husband, “I can’t wait till it gets to be 10:00 so I can go to bed.” (We’ve been trying to start getting ready for bed by 10:00 so we will get up earlier. We both like to get our day started early.) I was miserable. My hand hurt worse. My foot was worse. I just wanted to crawl under the covers and forget about the week.
I got up the next morning and while I had my devotions, I couldn’t help but think about how fortunate I have been all my life. For the most part, despite some chronic issues that I work around, I’ve been healthy. I’ve been able to do those things I enjoy.
I know though, that these injections may not work. Of if they do, they might not last for long. The upshot of that would be hand surgery and foot surgery. I don’t’ want to do either, but I will if it means I can continue to do the things I enjoy. I can’t understand why anyone wouldn’t. But I’m hoping it won’t come to that.
Anyway, I got to thinking about all this and started to feel a little sorry for myself. There is so much I’m interested in, if there are some things I can no longer do, that must mean God has new things for me to learn. Things I can do with good hand and one good foot.
People rise above disabilities all the time. Why can’t I? Right?
However, yesterday I wasn’t thinking that way at all. I saw the world through a dark filter and I was ashamed.
“Where was my trust?” “Where was my faith,” I asked?
It was right there underneath the pity party.
My point is this:
We should never judge our faith or lack of it by our feelings on any one day. Feelings are fleeting. Feelings are notoriously unreliable and inaccurate. Feelings are just that, feelings.
Besides, isn’t God the only judge of my level of faith?
So if you’ve had a pity party for whatever reason and you’re beating yourself with a spiritual whip, give yourself a break.
Why do you think the Bible is chocked full of words of encouragement were it not for the fact God knew we would need them? Why would a Savior even be needed were there not a need?
As the day went on, the pain started to subside. I was exhausted from the struggle. I thought of a dear friend of mine who is a cancer survivor and about how many days she had had like this. I thought of a husband of a longtime “bestie” who will be starting radiation treatment next week and how he might have days like this as well.
It’s not that keeping things in perspective is always the answer (because when you are the one who is sick and/or in pain, it isn’t) but that as much as we don’t want to, we should try to remember how we feel. We dig deep and remember our own pain and how we felt and we translate that to our intercessions.
That’s one of the reasons I like to blog. I have a record. I can look back and if I did a get job of recording my feelings, I can step back in time and remember. And that “remembering” helps me more empathetic.
As I write, the pain is finally subsiding and I’m hopeful. I have no idea how long the cortisone will last so it is proving a great incentive to clean closets, the basement, etc.
There has been silver lining in all this.
God bless and have a good day.