wondering about my closeness to God

I was praying this morning and I found myself wondering about my closeness to God. Is my relationship with my Father what it should be. I know I’m always growing and never completely arrive but I DO want to be well on my way.

I started thinking about Christians I admire, authors who impress me, pastors, Bible study teachers. How close is their relationship to God? Where am I on the spectrum?

Sometimes I get “down” wondering if my relationship with God is as healthy as it’s supposed to be. I mean how does one know, really? Did the great saints of old and the ones of present ever question this themselves? Or is it just me?

Is it terrible to wonder? I do it because I don’t want to miss something. I’m honestly not trying to pat myself on the back or beat myself up, depending where I fall on the spectrum. I just don’t want to settle if there’s more. Do you know what I mean?

Do you ever do that? I mean compare and evaluate your relationship to God? I hear other people talk about their prayer life, for example, and I wonder how mine compares. I hear people talk about God and it seems like they know Him better than me. That would mean there’s more for me to learn. For me to do.

But what? Pray more? Study more? Reach out more?

I’m not being philosophical here. I truly find myself questioning.

So today I asked God about it.

“God, how close are we? Am I as close to you as say so-and-so?  Am I as filled by the Holy Spirit as I should be? Am I praying enough? Loving others enough? Loving you enough? And, God, how do I know? Am I even supposed to know?”

Am I the only person out there who ever questions like this? I would really love to hear from you. I know there are lots of “lurkers” out there because that’s what my stats say. I get it if you don’t always want to comment. I don’t always comment, either.  But this is one time I would really like to hear from some of you. Maybe I could put some of my questioning at risk if I heard what others think.

God bless and I hope you have a good day. Enjoy the pics of my garden where all this thinking is presently taking place.










11 thoughts on “wondering about my closeness to God”

  1. As with any relationship we need to periodically take stock of our position with the individual we are involved with. Sometimes the closeness may be related to feelings which as we know can be deceiving. Great people of history like Tozer or Oswald Chambers addressed this subject. Praying or Bible reading is good but also we need to look at how we live or if we are really living. Are we through our lives letting people know that we have a relationship with the Creator? Is there a joy in our lives? Do others find us approachable? Do we make ourselves available to others? Are we real? Great people in Scripture have asked the same question. After prayer we just need to do those things that we know the Lord expects us to do i.e. helping others, and continuing services.

    1. Yes, it’s like our other relationships. Hadn’t thought of it that way. I think it may boil down to obedience. If we are doing what God is asking us to do, that is probably one good indication of a healthy relationship. Thanks for the comments and God bless.

  2. Hi Rebecca, I think we all have questions about our relationship to our Lord and Savior at times. We know in our heart if we truly love Him and I find reading my Bible and especially in church I feel that over flowing love and thankfulness to God for all He has done for me. I think sometimes when we are alone that Satan comes and accuses us and makes us question ourselves. Maybe this does not make sense but I know we all wonder.

    Keep up the good work. Love, Mary

      1. Mary, I was finished commenting and accidentally hit the reply button. I have a question. You said, “We know in our heart if we truly love Him”. How do we know in our heart? How do you know in your heart? Our hearts are deceitful. I’m not trying to create doubt, just wondering if you could clarify a little longer. If not,I understand that this is a public forum and you might be uncomfortable. Anyway, thanks again for venturing out and commenting. I truly appreciate it. God bless.

      2. I think the Holy Spirit comforts us. He lives in us and always brings God to mind. We are always whispering a pray of comfort for someone or a prayer of thankfulness or a prayer for anything. I know I have times of doubt but I’m sure God will never let go of my hand. I’m not so good with words and don’t know if I answered your question or only confused the issue. Mary

        1. So true, Mary. When someone asks me about my prayer time, I really don’t know how to answer because there is no beginning or end. Maybe that’s one of the ways we know we’re on the right track. When God permeates every part of our life, when our communion with Him is an ongoing conversation. Me, too, as far as knowing God will never let go of my hand. My worry? That I sometimes let go of His. You certainly did not confuse the issue and your words are MORE THAN good. God bless.

  3. First let me say how I enjoyed your garden pics- wow, what a beautiful environment, full of God’s glory. The path is great- once again, you’ve inspired me for my next project.
    I can identify with today’s post. I had read it earlier in the day and pondered and then again just now. I often ponder the same question- I think it’s because, as Christians, we don’t want to miss out on knowing Our Father and His will in each of our lives.
    Today, in particular, I feel as if in some tempest- swaying back and fro with little to stabilize my thoughts which is not typical for me.
    I found this interesting writing from the Derek Prince legacy, who I’ve been studying and following for about 6 months. I don’t know if I’ve “missed the mark” on this with you- perhaps I have but I wanted to share a snippet of today’s message:

    “Second, do not give way to discouragement. This does not come from the Holy Spirit. It’s very important to know that. The Holy Spirit is the Comforter, He’s the Encourager, He does not discourage
    the children of God. If you are fighting discouragement you need to bear in mind that it does not come from the Holy Spirit.
    Third, when everything around you seems to give way, you can still turn to one great, unfailing source of encouragement—the Scriptures. Here is what Paul says about the Scriptures in Romans 15:4:
    For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.
    Isn’t that a beautiful statement? Everything that was written in the Bible in the past was written to teach us so that we might have encouragement from the Scriptures.
    The next verse calls God the God of endurance and encouragement. So let God help you by imparting to you endurance and encouragement. Take encouragement from the Scriptures.”

    Be encouraged, my friend!

    1. Thanks Rhonda. I don’t think I’m as discouraged as I thought I was. Maybe I’m more perplexed and wondering if there is a “yardstick” of some sort. Maybe what I’m really asking is what does a “spiritually mature” Christian look like? I think of someone like Billy Graham and wonder what he would say. While I know that the Holy Spirit doesn’t discourage, He certainly does convict. Also, Psalm 139 encourages us to ask God to examine us and see if there is anything that needs correction. It helps to know you have questioned the same thing. Thank you for your honesty. I will write a follow-up post as I think about this some more. God bless you too, my friend.

  4. Hi, Interesting! I also think about that frequently. . Like when I read your post. Of course, authors and teachers usually want to encourage their audience so they don’t often mention their own struggles or weaknesses. I guess if you question it, it might be healthy. It shows the Holy spirit is at work. God desires our total love and adoration. He is willing to commune with us at any time or situation. Praise God!

    I once heard about a guy who read his Bible so much that his Christian employer had to let him go. He would stop to pray right in the middle of his work. He was late constantly because he couldn’t stop praying or reading. He felt so much guilt that he ended up in Pine Rest. That was a sad situation for his loved ones. We all are at different stages and hopefully we are growing spiritually closer daily. When we are “doing well” spiritually, the devil may just plant negative notions to push us off guard or to defeat us. Stay strong, my friend.

    I don’t respond often but I do receive encouragement from your posts. God bless, Kay

    1. Kay, I think I hear what you’re saying. There’s a saying, “Don’t be so heavenly minded, you are no earthly good.” I’ve spent considerable time this past week with my ninety-year old mom. Two years ago when she fell and could no longer drive and I knew I was going to have take all this on, I just about freaked out. It was something I had always feared. Two years later and I’m doing great. You could very well be right about the timing. I guess I just don’t ever want to remain static. Thank you so much for commenting. God bless you and yours.

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