Looking forward to new memories as I grieve the old

If you read yesterday’s post, you know what is going on. If you haven’t, you can find it here. 

My friends, near and far, have been very supportive. One of them sent me this and I wanted to share it with you and add some remarks.

F.B. Meyer:

“It’s a mistake to be always turning back to recover the past. The law for Christian living is not backward, but forward; not for experiences that lie behind , but for doing the will of God, which is always ahead and beckoning us to follow. Leave the things that are behind, and reach forward to those that are before, for on each new height to which we attain, there are the appropriate joys that befit the new experience. Don’t fret because life’s joys have seemingly fled from you. There are more in front of you. Look up, press forward, the best is yet to be!”

I would guess this is based on Philippians 3:12-14

I like what Meyer said very much but I think he was wrong in one area.

There is a difference between living in the past and learning from the past, a big difference.

I would go so far as to say that unless one examines the past they can’t move on. There is a lot of Scripture to support this. It’s one of the reasons the disciples got in trouble and had a hard time with their trust. They hadn’t looked back and reflected on the miracles Jesus performed or the words he said. At one point, Jesus chastised them by basically calling them “dense”, “Haven’t you learned anything?”, he asked after the feeding of the thousands. In other words, “Why haven’t you been looking back on what I’ve done?” (Mark 8:17-21)

There are three kinds of people in this world,  who

• those who quickly move on without reflection on past mistakes

• those who stay stuck (another way of saying, as Meyer did, always looking back) in the past

• and finally, those who reflect and learn from the past and then move on to greater joy.

The first often leave a “wake” of hurt people in their path. They refuse to take responsibility for their actions and are always searching for the next “thing”, “experience”, or “person”. I know a number of people like this.

The second are those who stay stuck in the past. I know a number of people like this as well. One, who when I first met her, told me she was grieving for her father. I asked her when he died. To which she responded, “Seven years ago.” As far as I know she’s still stuck.

Then there are those , the third group, who are willing to face the past, evaluate their failures and successes, and are to look at past relationships so the future ones are better.

I think Meyer would agree.

That’s where I am today. Grieving the past, wishing things could be as they once were. We are supposed to grieve over losses. Jesus certainly did.

My mother has not died physically but she left me in many other ways. We will never again have coherent discussions. Oh, they might get better as time goes on and she recovers from her head injury, but they will probably never be back to where they once were. (Did you notice how I used the word, “probably”. Hope springs eternal, doesn it?)  Besides, she is not going to do that hard work. She is tired of living.

I hope I never feel that way about life but I haven’t walked in her shoes and experienced some of the things she has.

So today she does not go to Assisted Living as we’d hope. She’s too frail. She needs rehab and then maybe we can take her there. Could she come home? A sliver of a chance but I’ll cling to that for now.

I’m not looking forward to today but she is be transported via a medical service so she will probably be OK.  We didn’t want to be the ones transporting her because she would then think she’s going home.

We will be there to greet her and try to explain what’s going on. This is one time I’m grateful for a little confusion because that might actually make the transition easier. These next few weeks will be tough but God is good.

Would I go so far as to say, “God is in control of everything?”. No. I have a different way of looking at God’s control.

God is in control of me. He is in control of any follower of Christ who has asked him to be. He will be in control of the final outcome when “every knee will bow and every tongue confess, he is Lord.” Philippians 2:10. 

My mom is safe now for a while and that give me comfort.

God bless and I hope you have a good day.