Tag: change

delete

alphabet of thanks, “X”

I’m kind of cheating today.

Today I am simply thankful for the letter “X”.

Think about it for a minute.

An “x” often is used to delete something. It’s an editing tool.

And don’t you wish there were some things in your life you could “x” out? I’m sure we all do.

But then “x” can also be used with an “o” and we have “xoxo” which means love and kisses.

So day I’m sending you some “xoxo’s” because it’s Thanksgiving and if you’re hosting Thanksgiving this year, you are busy, busy, busy today and you need some love and kisses sent your way.

Today is the

Have a wonderful day and God bless.

change

What do you do when people won’t change?

Did you ever have an epiphany? I do and usually through experiences that do not lend themselves to such a thing. I mean shouldn’t there be bright lights or a flash bulb somewhere?

But still, you feel like someone has finally found your switch and turned on the lights.

A conversation I had with a friend once was such an occasion. I learned that a situation in her life that she had just told me about had been going on for three weeks. I realized right then that despite our conversations in the past around this very subject, she wasn’t likely to change even though I didn’t like it.

I’m ok with that.

We are to love others but we are also to love ourselves. I think sometimes that means we let some people stay where they are even if we know it would be better for them to change. I used to think that I had to “woo” people. Do you know what I mean?

“Wooing” is when you are always the one initiating, making the phone calls, sharing your life, reaching out. It makes one feel a little too “needy” and I think we do better when we give ourselves and others some space. Christ often gave people their “space”.

When you accept that some people just aren’t going to change and grow, you are freed from that burdensome feeling of responsiblity. And when you become free of a responsiblity that was never yours to begin with, you find yourself growing in areas where YOU need to grow. 

change

Maybe we sometimes try to help others in an effort to take our attention away from ourselves. Just sayin’.

When you realize you can’t make others behave the way they should and no amount of effort on your part is going to change them, it frees you to get on with your own life without apology or explanation.

I’m not suggesting that we become hard and uncaring.

Never!

Only that we think a little before giving away all our emotional energy on people and situations we can’t change and have no obligation to change. Some people are quite content to remain “stuck” all their lives in destructive habits and behaviors.

Real change can only come from within anyway.

change

We spend so much time trying to “fix” people and situations that we ignore the “fixing” we should be doing for ourselves. I think my mom’s ongoing dementia and failing health has brought this home to me in a very real way. I can’t change what is happening to her. I can’t “fix” her. But I can work on me.

In a way, this journey with her has helped me get off the”white horse” that I use to ride to rescue people. It feels good to be on solid ground.

God bless and have a good day.

 

 

eyes

How clearing our “space” clears our minds

imagesIt’s amazing how a fresh coat of paint or painting anything can make a difference in how we feel.

I helped paint my friends TV room last year. To encourage her to think with fresh eyes, I told her to not only take everything off her walls but to fill in the nail holes as well. The idea was to get her to think more creatively. If she left the same holes in the same spot, she’d put the same things back on the wall.

Sometimes we have to get everything out of our sight before we can think. Numerous studies have shown, for example, that clutter creates chaos in our mind. Clutter is almost always in our line of vision. Having every wall covered with “stuff” or every horizontal surface filled to the brim, doesn’t give our eyes a place to “rest”.  Many paintings follow the same principle, leaving a space for the eyes to rest,  except for a Pollack painting which even if you like his paintings, you wouldn’t want more than one within your field of vision.

We need “fresh” eyes about so many things. About our homes. About our circumstances. About some of our views surrounding politics, life, religion. About our personal style. We might very well end up coming full circle in some areas. For me, I try to examine some of my political views now and then in light of what is happening in the world. Sometimes I change my views but other times I decide that my positions are still my positions.

I like knowing my beliefs have stood scrutiny and evaluation. I like knowing that I’m not afraid of facing my beliefs full-on. 

Many people though voice opinions they’ve never even thought through. They offer up their views and I wonder sometimes if they ever hear their own words. Oops, I’m digressing. We’ll save this discussion for later.

Back to my friend’s TV room.

I guess the point I’m trying to make is that when we are redecorating, we need to give our freshly painted walls an opportunity to stay “nekked” (the southern word for “naked”) for a while. We need to look at accessories and paintings in other rooms and see if we can use them in our newly decorated space. It’s my belief that adopting a different perspective about something as visual as our living spaces can carry over to the not-so-transparent issues of life-the ones that really matter. A new perspective in one area often spills over into other areas.

It works for depression as well. Changing the living spaces that we look at every day somehow subtly short circuits that part of our brain that has gotten used to our familiar, though perhaps negative, environment. That change ever so subtly reminds us that our moods are more in our control that we thought. That maybe we can change something here as well. We feel just a little empowered.

Action in one area almost always prompts action in another area.

Remember this commercial saying?  “The body in motion stays in motion.  The body at rest stays at rest”? (Something like that.) This message is absolutely right-on, even if it is a commercial.

If you try this concept, you will intuitively feel the truth of it.

We can become too comfortable with too many things.

Sometimes we don’t realize just how comfortable we’ve come with some things or people who are harmful to us. We get so used to our life, our habits, our attitudes, we don’t even see the possibility of change.

Depression is much like this. Depressed people often get so comfortable with their depression that they don’t see the possibility of getting better. They’ve become comfortable in their depression. It has become their habit. And, yes, depression can be a habit, just like having a bad temper.

So we went from changing up our spaces to changing up our lives. It just all works together. Remember, change in one area is a catalyst for change in others.

God bless and I hope you have a good day.

Do not make resolutions

When you need to change or break a habit

I’m writing this a couple of days ahead of time.Because I’m dealing with a lot this week I thought I would just refer you to some blogs that I really like. Today is one by Michael Hyatt about breaking bad habits.

habits

I’ve been working on breaking a bad habit, snacking at night. My husband and I have tried to begin a twelve to fourteen fast, meaning if we eat at 6:30, and have a snack at 8:00 we can’t have breakfast till at least around 8:00 the next morning. If we don’t have an evening snack, then if we don’t eat till at least 8:00, we almost get a fourteen hour fast in.

We’ve been doing great except for the last week when our schedules have been messed up. Not only am I craving carbs, (like the root beer float I just had) but half the time I can’t remember if I’ve eaten or not.

But I don’t worry too much because a little lapse isn’t a defeat. I think that’s one of the most important things to remember about making a new habit or breaking a bad one, a little lapse is not a reason to give up. So many times, we use that as an excuse.

 

Anyway, check our his blog if you’re interested in making a new habit or breaking an old one.

Do not make resolutions

God bless and I hope you have a good day.

 

ashamed

What to do when you’re ashamed of yourself

Boy, have you ever gone through a spell when you were thoroughly and completely ashamed of yourself?

ashamed

I sure have.

I sure am.

Not because I’ve done anything to be ashamed of but because I feel my heart has been so lacking in compassion.

We can be so hard on ourselves. We prefer to punish ourselves rather than confess our dark heart to the Lord.

In our humanness, we feel we need to be punished. Isn’t that the way the world works? Isn’t that what we deserve?

I'm ashamed

To bring it to God and have it washed away just for the sincere asking seem preposterous to our feeble minds. And yet that’s what God says we are to do. That’s why his son was sacrificed, that’s why his son was resurrected.

And yet some make forgiveness so cheap. Ask and you will receive. But it isn’t quite as casual as it sounds.

With confession and forgiveness must come a change. James McDonald, famous author and pastor, says, “If you’re faith hasn’t changed you, it hasn’t saved you.” I buy that.

Words are cheap. Maybe we can’t change all at once but if we’re not seeing any progress, our sincerity might be in question.

And I think sometimes we are too quick to ask for forgiveness. If we give ourselves a little time, we might learn that what we think we need forgiveness for is not where the real problem lies. For example, a person might ask for forgiveness for snapping at someone when the underlying issue is really jealousy. The first requires an apology; the second forgiveness.

So let’s not be too hard on ourselves but let’s be honest and thoughtful with our confession.

forgiveness

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