Tag: decision making

cabin bedroom

How we decided about the new addition

Seeing as I’ve been writing about decision-making, I thought maybe I would share with you how we arrived at our decision to add-on to teeny-tiny-red-cabin.

First of all, the cabin is really small with no separate bedroom, just an alcove. So if my husband wants to go fishing or hunting really early, I usually wake-up and then he feels bad. Also, if someone spends the night and they sleep on the futon, we are all in the same room.

Plus, it might be better for resale. So the decision to add on a bedroom just made common-sense.

Then, of course, there is the cost. This required more thought. We had been considering this for a couple of years and had been praying about it. We both trusted that were it not in God’s plan, He would make it clear. In no way, does this addition impact our financial commitment to our church. We wouldn’t even consider it if it did.

When we finally found a contractor who communicated with us, we saw it as a heads-up from God. So far it continues to be a heads-up.  This was not a quick decision.  And even when we’re sure of God’s leading, things can happen. For example, suppose we run into problems with the addition? Does that mean we made a mistake? Does running into a problem means we didn’t hear God clearly?

If you think that, then consider Moses’s leading the Israelites out of Egypt. If he took every detour as a sign he’d heard God wrong, he would’ve surely given up.

Running into difficulties doesn’t automatically mean we’ve made a wrong decision.

It can, of course, but it’s not a “given”. And it may mean, that the decision was right but that there is some fine-tuning to be done. That’s how I’m going to be looking at this construction project.

Am I nervous about it?

Yep.

Will there be some quick decisions we may need to make?

Yep.

But if God has truly been behind this decision, there will be an overall peace.

With my mother’s health, I made a lot of decisions, quick decisions. Did I make some wrong ones?  I only know that every day I prayed for God’s wisdom for whatever decisions I needed to make concerning her. So even though some of those decisions seemed spontaneous, they really weren’t.

I will keep you up-to-date on the process. I plan on taking lots of pictures. It’s exciting but I’m nervous, too, having never done this before.

I hope you have a great day today and God bless.

decision-making

How to make good decisions?-part two

(This post today was a follow-up to yesterday’s post. This happened four years ago and I had kind of forgotten about it. That’s what is so great about blogging. I have a record of past events.

I was very vague when I wrote this but now with the recent death of my mom, I can tell you this post was about her. I loved her very much. I still do. But we had some difficult times. I tried really hard to make her happy. Sometimes I know I did but I often felt inadequate because I didn’t know what else to do. 

I can tell you now that this was about a trip to Florida. My husband and I love our two weeks away. He loves fishing there. I love the beach. To cancel our trip would’ve been a big deal. We had already reserved our usual place, stopped the mail, were packed etc.

The day before we were to leave, my mother told me she felt really sick.. I saw her every day and she had not mentioned it the day before.  It seemed she only had a cold with a slight cough.  When I asked her how long she had felt “really bad,” she said “days”.  I was not happy that she had sprung this on me at the last-minute knowing we had been planning this trip for months. I told her she was going to the doctor the very next morning then if she was that sick. She balked but I insisted.

I took her to the doctor the very next day and she was diagnosed with bronchitis. This was the day we were to have left for our trip. We cancelled it. And while I didn’t like it, I knew I couldn’t just go off and leave her.  Before you say, “Well, of course not,” I need to tell you my brother lived with her. He had lived with her about four years and lived with her until her death.  But let’s just say I was the one who kept on top of her health. I wasn’t sure he would take proper care of her. 

I look back and am very happy with that decision. God knew there was no way I could go off with a clear conscience and so he made it clear what I should do. Yes, my husband was fully supportive. I didn’t mope or carry-on or any such thing. I had a real peace.

The following post is all about that process of decision-making.)

 

 I just want you to know that my decision-making process has begun all over again because of new developments.  Developments that took me by surprise and threaten to completely mess everything up.

Remember I said in the last post that I was counting on God to make it clear if I am to change course. I should’ve added that it’s sometimes hard to know if God is telling us to change course or if it’s the enemy’s (you can call him what you want) way of causing us to doubt what God has revealed.  This can be very difficult to figure out.

There are some who would say otherwise, that God always makes things crystal clear, but I try to avoid contact with these people because it has been my experience that those people generally live with their heads in the clouds.) It would be wonderful if life were easy to figure out. Maybe for some people it is. Their life is easy; things just fall into place. My life is not like that right now-not at all.  It’s complicated. Very. And just a few hours ago, it got a lot more complicated.

So how will I know now what to do? I have a very narrow window to make a decision.  I’m honestly not trying to be vague. But the details of what’s happening in my life or yours are not as important as discussing this whole business of decision-making overall. I need to be general enough to help everyone. But if I’m aware of that, you ask, why can’t I just move on? Well, this same person is very elderly and not emotionally stable having suffered severe depressive episodes their entire life. Our decision is whether we leave on a trip tomorrow or not. If I had days to write and you had days to read, I still wouldn’t be able to explain it all to you. It’s that involved.

You can know that this is an elderly person who is not emotionally stable and has suffered severe depressive episodes their entire life.  Consequently, sometimes it’s hard to know if there is a valid crisis or not. Our decision is whether we leave on a trip tomorrow or not. If I had days to write and you had days to read, I still wouldn’t be able to explain it all to you. The history with this person is that complicated.

So once again I’m on my knees, if only figuratively. This morning the decision was made to go. We’ve rented the car. We’ve stopped the mail. We’re packed. Are you getting the picture? Now I’m having to reconsider. But I’m very proud of the fact that once again wisdom has been provided and once again I’m on the right track in my thinking. Tomorrow’s doctor’s appointment will seal the deal one way or the other.

I am hoping this will now be an easy decision to make but considering this person’s history, it won’t be. This is leading me to make an important point about decision-making.

A decision that is right for us may not feel that way to someone else. As long as God is behind our decision, it’s ok.

What do we do if our decision is going to cause someone some degree of discomfort? It depends on the degree and who’s going to feel it, doesn’t it?

Whose discomfort is going to be greater? I didn’t realize until I started to post tonight that this is what this decision is all about. Their discomfort or mine? I can handle a lot. I have a track record that proves it.

So here I am tonight. Not looking forward to tomorrow. Knowing there’s no way, no matter what decision I make, that I’m going to come out on top. Finally, God knew all this was going to happen so he must have a plan. Tomorrow it will unfold. I am trusting God will once again put a stumbling block in the way if going ahead with our trip is wrong. If he doesn’t I’m going to assume it’s still a go.

But God knew all this was going to happen so he must have a plan. Tomorrow it will unfold. I am trusting God will once again put a stumbling block in the way if going ahead with our trip is wrong. If he doesn’t I’m going to assume it’s still a go.

God is not a God of confusion. Scripture is clear about that. If I’m confused tomorrow about what to do, it will be my own confusion that I must muddle through.

God bless and I hope you have an non-confused day.

How to make good decisions, part one

how do we know

……..when we’re making the right decision?

Sometimes, it’s so easy. Our thinking, our circumstances, God’s direction all fall plainly into view. We just know. I love times like that. I’ve always found decisions easy to make for the most part. Some people are paralyzed by the prospect. I find sometimes making a decision is better than letting something stagnate.

But then there are those times, like right now when I’ve exhausted every possible avenue in my “tired of thinking it through” mind. I’ve thought through every possible angle, read every possible Scripture verse that applies, been praying for days. I’ve decided one way and then another and found justification to support both opposing views. I’ve felt great peace and then no peace. When I made my final final decision, my hubby asked me, “Are you sure?” 

“Of course, I’m not sure.”

There are some decisions we will simply never be sure about. Even if everything turns out o.k.  And even when it doesn’t, it may not mean we made the wrong decision. No amount of Monday morning quarter backing will make it any clearer either. That’s why sometimes we just have to make our decision and live with the consequences of our decision. When it directly impacts others, we just need to be as sure as we can.

In this case, I’ve done my homework. I’ve  worked through every possible scenario. Unless God makes it clear I’m heading down the wrong path, I’m going on the assumption that my decision-making process has been directed by God and my decision meets with his approval. Every day I ask for wisdom for whatever comes my way. God promises that wisdom is ours for the asking and I sure have been asking.

I know it’s possible to convince ourselves of anything but when I look back over the decisions I’ve made over the years, I feel a certain sense of confidence in my decision-making ability. Often those of the Christian faith refer to having “peace” about their decisions. But there is such a thing as a “false” peace.  We can talk our selves right into a  feeling that mimics peace and thus convince ourselves that because of that feeling, we have made the right choice. But it’s not the peace that comes from God. (Jesus said there is his peace and then there’s the peace that comes from the world.)

The peace that comes from God is almost never accompanied by a feeling. It’s more of a quiet confidence that he is in control because you’ve asked him to be. In fact, we can be making the right decision and still be uneasy about it. God never said doing the right thing or making the right decision will always be accompanied by positive feelings. In faith issues, we too often let our emotions get in the way. I posted a few days ago about “dizzy” emotions being a good indicator of how we’re living our lives. I don’t have any of that “dizziness” going on inside so that makes me feel good.

We’re human. Most of us try to do the right thing.  Sometimes we get it right.  Sometimes we don’t. We can feel good with the first and we can learn from the second.  In a few weeks.

I’ll know the results of my decision but whether it was a good or bad decision I may never know. Sometimes decisions are neutral.

I told you back week that we are adding on to our cabin. That was a difficult decision. It’s difficult to know whether you have a good contractor or not. Sure, you can get references. But who knows even then. We all different definitions of what a “good” contractor is anyway. For me, a good contractor is someone who does quality work is, who knows the codes and requirements of the area, who comes in at the budgeted amount, and of course, who is willing to work with me. We’ve had a number of conversations with this young man and so far, so good.

However, we also just had some work done on our deck and in that case, I’m not so sure it was a good decision. ‘

There are times when even with our best effort, we make a mistake.

When that happens, I try to remind myself that it’s a “thing” not a “person, so I try to not be so hard on myself.

I’ve looked back on the years I took care of my mom and the huge amount of decisions I made about her and her health. There were lots of them. She was almost deaf, had vision problems, had high blood pressure, A-fib, fell a lot, suffered from depression, etc. In each of those areas, there were multiple layers of decision to be made. I’m fairly confident I stayed on top of everything and always did what was best for her. But there were times I had no time to think and I had to trust that God was leading me.

Because we never know when we may be called on to make a decision, I pray for wisdom every day for every decision that comes my way, whether big or small.I would be afraid to start a day without that request.

How about you?

Are you praying for wisdom?

Are you trusting that God will direct you?

Remember, every decision we make has repercussions.

God bless and make good decisions today.

 

 

 

vintrage purses

garage sale junk and treasures

Yea, the first week-end of garage sales. Nothing better than that for a beautiful Saturday morning. The bargaining, the “oohing” and “aahing”. My brain on overload as I imagined what I could do with this piece of junk and that piece of worn cloth. The decisions. Like passing up an amazing deal on a couple of pieces of unbelievable outdoor furniture. Being proud of myself that I chose to pass it up

We need a new garage door. Pooh! That’s no fun.

Oh, well, I didn’t like them anyway.

Yea, right.

So what did I buy? A bowling ball for $1.00. I love the look of balls in my garden. I tuck them away so that they peek out from under a bush or a group of flowers. Gardens shouldn’t be obvious or predictable. I may glue on jewels, paint a pattern or even just spray paint it all one color. If you position them the right way, no one even sees the finger holes.

Then there were the eight cloth napkins for fifty cents. Some flat lace for a quarter. Going to be used in La Cabinette to edge shelves for a shabby chic look. Some small metal reindeer I will paint white and then sand to reveal some of the gold.

reindeer

 

And the best of all, this adorable vintage purse-one dollar and I didn’t even have to bargain for it.

purse

I collect vintage purses. I almost never use them. Don’t know why. I sold a couple on e-BAY for much more than I paid for them and have regretted it ever since. I just like them. Who knows why certain collections appeal to us more than others.

vintrage purses

Much of my furniture (except for upholstered pieces) is from garage sales and thrift stores. There’s just something about taking something and making it my own that really appeals to me. Maybe that’s why I love blogging. It’s kind of the same thing. Taking something and making it my own.

What about you? What has been your greatest “find”? Tell me all about it.

Can’t wait till next week.

God bless and have a good day.

 

 

 

I can and I will

How God exceeds our expectations

(You are reading this post on Monday, May 15.  I’m writing it on Friday, May 12.)

My mom passed away yesterday and I haven’t stopped crying. I just know I’m going to wake up tomorrow morning and instead of a funeral to attend I am going to go over and have some morning coffee with her. I have to imagine that if I’m going to sleep tonight.

I’m going to share this grieving process on and off for the next few days and then I’m done except for the occasional reference.

When this journey with my mom began escalating last October, I prayed for three things.

First of all, wisdom. If I told you all the decisions I’ve made along the way you wouldn’t believe it. I look back and feel good because I believe I made all the right decisions. There were big ones like taking her out of rehab at a nursing home and bringing her home. It was a disastrous experience. We had no intention of letting her stay there anyway but another day would have completely put her over the edge. Within a few days, she was back to where she had been before we took her in.

There were little ones like….Come to think of it, they were no little decisions.

Secondly, I prayed we’d be able to keep her at home until the end. My brother and I had a few moments when we thought we might not be able to accomplish it, but, by golly we did. My brother lives with her so up until a couple of months before her death, he was able to handle the evenings. Then it came to a point where I felt he needed to sleep better so I hired nighttime help. Eventually, she had round-the-clock care except for a couple of hours in the morning and a couple of hours in the late afternoon.

After my mom died and we could finally quit crying, my brother and I hugged, and said, “We did it,”

Third, I wanted to be there when she breathed her last breath. Maybe I should have re-thought that one. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But I did it for her. My husband and I slept at my mom’s last week because I just had a hunch that things would move fast. They did.  If we’d spent the nights in our own home, we would never have made it on time. I should add here that my husband considered my mom his mom. They truly loved each other.

So all three prayers were answered but God took it a step further and blessed me in unexpected ways.

  • As my niece and I were bathing my mom, she opened both her eyes and made contact with me. It had been days since she had opened her eyes. I was the last person she saw before she died.

 

  • It turned out that she died shortly after that which meant that the Hospice didn’t need to bathe her which they usually do. I and my niece prepared her body. Do you know how good that makes me feel do know that a stranger didn’t have to it? I massaged her frail little body with lotion and I like to believe she felt it.

I went to the Funeral Home website and there were pictures of two other women who died last week. They were older as well. While I grieve my loss, their children are grieving their loss. While this is my mother and my pain, I know I’m not alone.  It was a reminder to me that other people lost their mothers this week. I share their grief.

Earlier today, we ordered some sandwich trays today at our local grocer and the woman waiting on us asked us what occasion we ordering for.  In the course of our conversation, she told me she had lost her mother a few years back and then her son. She told me I was strong and that, like her, I would get through this. Her words were particularly comforting. She “got” my tears.

I hope she’s right because I seriously question how I’m going to get through this. But I would imagine I’m not the first person to feel this way.

My grandson asked me last week how I was doing. I told him I’m pretty much crying all the time. I told him that’s what grieving looks like, that I’m supposed to cry.

Having just now thought of that conversation, I guess I am going to get through this.

I hope your day goes well and God bless you.

(Obviously, I won’t be posting for a couple of days but I may schedule some older posts.)

 

 

 

 

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