Sometimes that how I feel, like I’m walking through the woods without a flashlight. Do you know what I mean? It’s like sometimes there’s darkness all around. I hear noises and I wonder. Should I be afraid? Is something out there ready to pounce? If I had a flashlight maybe I could beam it at the noises and scare whatever is hiding behind the cloak of noise. But maybe the light would shine so bright I would see the monster that is lurking. And maybe that would be the worst thing that could happen.
What’s worse? Walking in the woods and being afraid of the unknown or being able to put a face on the unknown? I hate ambiguity but sometimes it’s not all bad. I can think of a situation where I’ve decided that it’s best not to know. I already know more than I should and I’m choosing now to know nothing more than what’s already known. Ignorance can sometimes be our best friend.
When we know too much, when the woods are no longer a dark forest but individual trees that we readily identify, then we can no longer pretend. Now that we’re able to put a name on what scares us we can no longer pretend it’s nothing. Sometimes that’s exactly what we should do and in the future I’m going to suggest we need to do exactly that to defeat depression. But I’m very tired tonight so just for now, I choose to be afraid and not know. I hope that makes sense. It makes perfect sense to me.