I’m an unhappy little “camper”

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(posting to depressionsgift as well)

Boy, am I an unhappy camper. Probably have never mentioned it but I have “problem” feet. Have had three surgeries with the last surgery including more than one procedure. I’ve been in a”boot” way too many times.  So when my foot started hurting last week and the ankle swelling I made a doctor’s appointment for yesterday. I was so hoping I would be told it was a sprain or some injury. I had done the research and knew what the worse case scenario could be.

It’s a horror movie.

It’s called PTTD and it involves the largest and most important tendon in the foot. It’s  inflamed. That doesn’t sound too bad, right?  Wrong. If it doesn’t heal or worse yet, if it ruptures, I’m in big trouble. Then we’re talking major, major foot surgery that as my doctor said I want to avoid at all costs. The recovery is six to nine months!  So he put me in a brace/boot with an inflatable arch that I pump up myself. That part is kind of cool.

I was very upset with the news but far more afraid of what could happen. It got me to thinking about all the “rock-your-boa”t news people hear. From “You have cancer,” to”I’m sorry, he didn’t make it” etc.  As a Christian I feel I’m expected to blurt out all kinds of Christian jargon which I’m not going to do. Do I believe God will see me through it? Yes, I do. I’m not going to say it’s God’s will. I have no idea if it is or not. Is there some sort of nebulous reason for this? Again, only God knows that and he/she (that’s for shoe 1000) doesn’t owe me an explanation. He certainly has “allowed” it but I’m not sure what means anyway and again it’s one of those statements often made out of the need to sound a certain way. I refuse to go that way.

If I say I’m going to trust God, I’m going to but I don’t have to make it a point to tell everyone I see.   And I couldn’t even tell  you what trusting God will look like for me. It’s just words until I put it into action. Today I’m trusting him to help me to stay on top of my emotions for right now. I have three weeks of wearing my beautiful, stylish boot. Hey, I can do that. This is nothing compared to what some people go through. I trust God to help me do that. After that I can’t tell you what the next thing will be I’ll have to trust God for or how.

I’m bored but there’s always blogging. I so need to learn more about the technical side of blogging. I need to upgrade and fine tune my blogs. I’m certainly going to have some time now.

If you’re out there “recupering”,  let’s talk.

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